Quiet Thoughts

Today I read in anguish of a mother's pain. Her world has crumbled around her and my heart breaks for her. The thing that struck me the most was her difficulty in this moment to feel joy for someone else's blessings. In an effort to feel what she was feeling my mind tumbled back to a time when I was feeling the same thing. Despite all my blogging and public posts over the years, it's not a topic I've ever written about before. I was taken back to a time almost exactly twelve years ago when I had a miscarriage at twelve weeks. I remember being very bitter,not two weeks after losing the baby that I was told of someone having twins in my same due date month.(If you have never had a miscarriage, let's just say one becomes very possessive of their "due date month") I remember feeling so angry and bitter. I remember thinking awful things like they already had numerous children and I did not "deserve" to lose mine. Today as I put myself back in that place I realized how wrong I had been. For the last year I have seen how devout in her faith this person is, how I have spoke often about her faith and how successfully she has raised her children. God reminded me of this today. After twelve years I stood ashamed and guilty and asked for forgiveness for my ignorance, shallowness, and sin.