Who will love HER?

Today was a good day. The woman I had met through amazing circumstances, happened to be in Troy with her family. Thankfully she has a really outgoing spirit and called us to see if we could all visit. Her children are from China. A girl, who is in third grade and a precious boy with albinism in kindergarten. It was so great to meet all of them, and to meet another China boy with albinism. Oh he is the cutest thing! This afternoon I was looking at a website of children who are available for adoption in China. One little girl had caught my eye last night when someone posted to a Facebook group I am a part of. I had watched the video and was drawn to her, but I am drawn to quite a few albinism children...which is why I am on this journey!

Today I went back and looked at her videos and pictures. She is beautiful. She is nine years old. She does not have any mental delays or other handicaps other than she is a strawberry blonde girl in a land of dark haired girls and she has vision issues associated with Albinism. She did appear to be younger than nine to me, which is normal given she has grown up more than likely in an orphanage setting. Those "delays" which are not real delays at all usually disappear when in a regular family setting.

She is beautiful, her file says she loves being girly and dressing in pretty things. The clock is ticking. She is already nine years old. She doesn't have a lot of time to find a family. I know we are not her family, yet I cannot get her out of my mind. I felt the need to advocate for her. I feel conflicted though. Currently she is not listed with my agency, which means a couple of things. If A) after some time if no one working with the agency proceeds with adopting her, her file would return to the shared list where a family working with my agency would be able to view and lock her file, or occasionally files are transferred, but I don't have any idea if this could happen. I do know she is available to adopt and despite the possibility of not being with my agency I feel called to advocate for her.

As I sit here and reflect over the community mobilization in two days to save a well loved business (and I cast no stones about it), my heart breaks and I pray to God to help me understand WHY there isn't such urgency to rescue these children? At fourteen this precious child will not be able to be adopted. She will be shunned by her homeland and there won't be many resources for her to find a job. Many girls turn to the sex trade or worse especially those who look "different". Or she could grow up a beautiful, blonde haired little girl in a country of many colors and opportunities and the opportunity to hear the Gospel.

Are you called to be her family? Are you called to step out in faith? We would work night and day to help you do this. There are photos and videos of her available. We are called to assist. And not just this child if adoption is on your heart. Don't wait for the big neon sign to fall from the sky, this IS THE SIGN. If you are reading this and it tugs at your heart, please contact me for information on starting your adoption journey. I will help you wade through all the confusing things. The older children need advocates. Now. The clock is ticking....

Call me "Mara"

I am struggling.

I have been for a while now. 

I love my new life in Christ. I have peace and joy I've never had. I've seen God's will for my life placed before my eyes in miraculous ways. Yet, I struggle with all of it.

I struggle to make good choices each day. I struggle with waking up living to glorify God. I fall back into old behavior. 

Anger.

Anger is a place I like to go an sit for a while, a long while. I don't want to let go. I like it there. Yet now, I know, as a Christian it's wrong. It's wrong to hold onto anger. It's wrong to be bitter. I think about Naomi, Ruth's mother in law (Ruth 1:20) who was so down on life, she asked people to call her "Mara" which means bitter. Naomi threw the mother of all pity parties for herself. She couldn't see what was coming. She couldn't see the road in front of her, yet God blessed her.

Today I faced something I knew was coming. I knew in my heart, and I knew how I'd react and I knew it wouldn't be good. I didn't know the news would come with a twist, one of betrayal and heartache for someone I love deeply. Whenever this happens I want to come out swinging. I want to shout to the world of the misdeeds of others and how they have wronged someone I love more than anything. 

Where in this, though, shows the glory of God? Where does it show my devotion to Him? It doesn't. In fact it points everything away from Him and directly into my poor behavior. It points to sin. It robs Him of all He is due, and cheats me out of seeing the blessings in life.

Hebrews 12:14-15 warns against rejecting God's grace.

"Pursue peace with everyone, and holiness-without it no one will see the Lord. Make sure that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up, causing trouble and by it, defiling many.

A good friend of mine once introduced the concept of grace to me by a visual term. A "grace dispenser". Something we all possess. My dispenser gauge always seems to scream "EMPTY", lately. It takes quiet time and prayer to fill up on the grace we need for the day. Running on fumes serves no purpose and causes me to stumble quite a bit.

Thankfully, there is restoration for me. The grace I need to extend to others, is completely and fully extended to me each and every time I mess up. God loves me and He's there to restore me. If He can do this for me, then I in turn need to turn to Him for the strength He provides me in displaying a life lived for God. To fill my grace dispenser into overflowing status.

2 Peter 1:5-8

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge, and to knowledge, self-control;and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

My prayer for today is asking for God's grace to penetrate and to have a completely forgiving heart. To pray for those who don't even know they walk in darkness. To have my heart so broken for the lost, it causes any anger toward them to be turned into kindness, love and grace.