BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

I've never been divorced. No one in my family has been divorced. No, really it's true. In three months my beloved and I will have been married for twenty-five years. Twenty-five! That's a boatload of years. I truly cannot believe it's been so long. So I don't know the true pain of divorce, but I think I can relate. Six weeks ago, we made the hard decision to leave our church. I will not go into long details or make this into any sort of gossip, we simply left because after praying for some time, wrestling with it, we had lost confidence in the leadership.Confidence, like toothpaste squeezed from a tube, is impossible to regain. This isn't to say those who remain should leave, it simply was the direction, after much prayer, we felt God leading us to go. This was a path which we didn't know where it would lead, we simply had faith God would reveal it to us. Like divorce, leaving has been painful. I miss my brothers and sisters. I miss familiarity. I miss routine.

We've been worshiping at a new church where there have been many signs and confirmations it's where we are to be.  Worship has been pure again for me, with out the distractions I had been struggling with.  But like the pain after a break up, it's been hard to trust and let go. Attending a new church feels similar to dating. It's like when you go out on those first couple of dates after a big break up and you look for the comfort in familiarity. It's just not there. Why? Because "the new guy" isn't the "old guy". By new and old I mean the church. The poor "new guy", it's not his fault. He is different, and awesome in his own way, but you long for the familiar, the cozy, the easy stuff.

I hate having to refer to things in the context of "my old church, and "my new church". When I hear my four year old say it, it breaks my heart. In fact, I had not even been using the term "my church" but "the church I've been attending." I never intended to leave the former, never intended to not be there forever. I do know I'm where I am supposed to be. I do know this new relationship is the start of something great and I look forward to the days of not being "the first few dates" but a real working partnership and I sincerely hope a forever marriage. I look forward to serving and being used for all God has called me to be. I may have failed in this relationship, but God didn't.

While this except from Marshall Segal, executive assistant to John Piper is about breakups of romance, I feel it does sum up how I feel.
Jesus went before the broken-hearted to pave the way for joy in pain. We live, survive, and thrive by looking to him, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross” (Hebrews 12:2). His joy before the wrath of God against sin is our first and greatest reason to fight for joy — not just survival — after a breakup. If you believe that, then make the most of this breakup, knowing God has chosen this particular path to grow and gratify you in ways that last. No relationship you have in this life will last forever, but the good things that happen through them in you — even through their sorrows, yes even through their collapses — will.